Everything is in a mess

Went to an intermediary again, this time, the company is an expert to deal with the students who wanna go to Canada and the U.S., the adviser gave me a lot of information, he said, there’s no problem for me to go to the university of Victoria if I get 7 in IELTs and take GRE. I had made up my mined to take the test again, as well as GRE, and I was sure I could pass both of them. So, I said, OK, no problem, I would get down to it immediately, and I would work for the new oriental or the only English for getting the internship.

Then, with full of happiness and hope inside, I went downstairs, calling daddy on the sofa of the hall. I’m really afraid that we didn’t get enough deposits, especially at the moment that the factory may be moved to Shanghai. Sure, dad said yes. I really don’t wanna talk about this issue with mom any more, I already know what she would say, “I don’t think you should go abroad, anyhow.” Always. Dad said, no, you should go there. I said, we don’t have enough deposits how can I get the admission! He still insisted on I should go there. But it is really like a dream. I will never allow them to sale any of the flats, it seems like a jock.

Sometimes I really want to ask my mama and papa, is our family poor, for it seems we are really poor. We don’t have an expensive car, never live in any luxurious hotel. Damned! I think I’m just like a selfish donkey. I asked to much from them. I’m ashamed for taking a Taxi this noon, ashamed for buying a 50-yuan lip stick just now in intime, lot of people’s lips are dry and hurt, I’m always so finicky.

Walking out of the building, I idled on the street, then, I saw the Zhejiang library and went directly in to the new oriental to fill a form of applying an assistant job. Stepping to the gate of the library, I suddenly felt so tired, and did’t wanna move a step. I sat on the ground, the sunshine made me dizzy. I sent a message to Patrick, asked him whether he wanted to take a walk with me this evening. I sent a message to Xiaomi, told him I feel rather sad. Tear down. No feed back from him. I dreamed he was ill last night. Is it true? Almost an hour passed, Patrick said he was teaching in a company, and talking about a biz with someone tonight. What I can only say is it doesn’t matter, see you another day.

“it’s a season for lovers, lonely people are shameful. ” I heard this song when I was 13 years old, and began to love rock’n’roll that time. However, it is no sooner than today, I get the true meaning. I feel shameful of myself.

Anyhow, I believe, every problem can be solved. Yes, I believe, strongly. Amen…